Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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