I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
