tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
