how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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