tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
