Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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