Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
