You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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