There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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