North Korea, Best Korea!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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