I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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