You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
