Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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