I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
