She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
