I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
