i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
