the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
