do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
