Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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