I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
