remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
pray to the hookup gods
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
