dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there's paper in my vomit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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