Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
