I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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