Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
