dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
