I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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