I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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