I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
