I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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