then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
