The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to have your abortion
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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