Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
