Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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