i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
