fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
