Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize