I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
