the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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