i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
