dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
