Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
