im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
