there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
