you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
