im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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