just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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