Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
