it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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