if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
