I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
