I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
