this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
