So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
