Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Buhtt sex?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
