So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
