I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
