I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
