I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was born a porn star she said
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
