drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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