you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
