Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
