i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
