Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
