The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
